Earthquake Drill: Prudent Precaution Or Shady Shakedown By Mike Coughlin

Earlier today, Southern California participated in the largest earthquake drill ever for the U.S.

At 10 a.m., five million people dropped to their knees and covered their heads for a two-minutes pretend earthquake. The last time there were that many Californian's on their knees was at the 1978 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.
...everyone willingly lies there and does nothing!
Scientists say the drill was necessary to prepare for a potential "catastrophic quake" that is inevitable and long overdue.

Nice scare tactics, science. I think they're just trying to pull a fast one on all those hippie Californians. See, scientists are much smarter than the average criminal. Instead of going into a bank waving AK-47's and ordering everyone on the ground, they organize this drill where everyone willingly lies there and does nothing!

While they're on their knees worried about the San Andreas Fault; the scientists are swiftly raiding the San Andreas Vault. Let's see how it all shakes out.
Photo credit: Scientist carrying money out of a bank. [Made from various pictures.]

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No Room for iApple in Game Market By Mike Coughlin

iApple said that the iPhone and iPod touch are the "future of handheld gaming," that the Nintendo DS and Sony PSP are things of the past.

False.

I'm calling iApple's bluff, and here's why.
Nobody wants to play a video game without any actual buttons.
First of all, both of iApple's iDevices are touch screens. Nobody wants to play a video game without any actual buttons. We were raised on buttons. The only time a touch screen is any good is when you're playing video poker at the bar; crack that market, iApple. And, oh yeah, the Nintendo DS already has a touch screen -- in addition to its buttons.

Second, Nintendo and Sony have been in the gaming industry for years. Nintendo has been synonymous with video games since Mario ate his first mushroom back in the 80's. Sony has been huge in gaming since the mid-90's -- not to mention Sony's traditional status as an electronics super brand. iApple itself wasn't even cool until the iPod came out in i2001. But go ahead, iApple, try and beat them at their own game.

The Playstation Portable (PSP) has so many features in addition to being a gaming device that it quickly became a leader. It plays music and movies. It can connect via WiFi to the Internet and other PSPs. To top it all off, hackers figured out how to turn the PSP into a Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, etc. all in one -- it may not be totally legal, but it's totally possible and a very attractive feature for some.

Microsoft doesn't make a handheld, but their XBox has been around for six years. If either of the computer giants have a right to enter the handheld market, it's not iApple, it's Microsoft.

The truth is, iApple won't make a dent in Nintendo or Playstation's handheld market. They should enjoy the iPod's success and quit being so cocky towards Microsoft, Nintendo and Playstation. There's a saying: iSuccess leads to iArrogance, and iArrogance to iFailure.
Photo credit: No room for iPod in handheld game market. [http://mismatured.blogspot.com]

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Death on Mars By Mike Coughlin

The Phoenix Mars lander is dead. Here are a few quick project facts:
-It cost $428 million.
-Phoenix was active on Mars for slightly longer than five months (landed at the end of May, 2008).
-It was to analyze soil and take pictures.That's like trying to get over an ex-girlfriend for twice as long as you dated her.

Now, kudos to the scientists for getting the machine to operate properly on Mars -- something that has been hit or miss in the past. But you would think, for nearly a half billion dollars, that they could have come up with something a little more permanent.

Think about it; it spent twice as long getting there than it did in action. That's like trying to get over an ex-girlfriend for twice as long as you dated her. Pathetic, if you ask me. But I suppose the rocket scientists (ahem, nerds) at NASA won't really get that analogy.

The point of the mission was to analyze soil samples and take pictures. Meanwhile, solar panels would continuously recharge the batteries when sunlight was available. Well, darnit if a dust storm didn't block the sun! And it couldn't analyze some of the more "clumpy" soil. Seriously, they used the word clumpy. So basically, we got a bunch of pictures of Mars for $428 million. For that price, I'll build you a telescope that can get those pictures.

My Playstation Portable can go into sleep mode for about a month without draining the battery. It cost me $150. The Phoenix, a state-of-the-art piece of equipment that we spent millions of dollars on and sent millions of miles into space, can't even do that. Oh yeah, and it can't survive the Mars winter. So it pretty much sucks and was doomed from the start.

On the plus side, the scientists are in ecstasy over the soil it did analyze. Rocket scientists? Nah. More like rock scientists.

Photo credit: Mars [http://www.scientificblogging.com/variety_tap/maven_deuterium_and_a_mission_to_mars]

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Tutorial For Palin As Gossip Abounds By Mike Coughlin

If these rumors about Sarah Palin are true… wow. We just averted a catastrophe.

Let’s look at the positive, though: Sarah Palin has four years to fine tune herself before her next run. We’ll even give her a head start.

Sarah Palin, welcome to Life 101.
Credit cards are not magical. Campaign aides are not Santa’s elves.

Lesson One – Etiquette: There are some situations where answering the door in a towel is OK. For example, if your house is burning down and it’s the fire department, that's OK. Or if it’s your long lost husband and he’s locked out, that's OK. If it's two male staff advisers knocking on your hotel room, not OK! Don’t do it unless you are auditioning for a role in “Full-On Northern Exposure” or “I Did a Rod” – and I’m not talking about the TV show or the sled race. Though you may love Desperate Housewives, don’t use it as the standard bearer for manners.

Lesson Two – Finance: Money doesn’t grow on spruce trees. You can’t send your assistants on a $150,000 shopping spree and expect it not to come back to you. Credit cards are not magical. Campaign aides are not Santa’s elves.

Lesson Three – Geography: Africa is a continent. South Africa is a country on that continent. Are you still with me? Let’s try again. Africa is like your Louis Vuitton bag. South Africa is like your lipstick in it.

There you go, Sarah, go get those kinks worked out and we’ll see you in 2012 (that’s when the next election is).
Photo credit: Sarah Palin, Extreme Mortman[http://www.extrememortman.com/2008/08/]

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Mismatured: Back On the Air By Mike Coughlin

And we’re back. Hope you didn’t hold your breath.

Here’s the thing, we were going to do a Mismatured year in review, but, in the past year we haven’t accomplished much. Actually, we haven’t accomplished anything. I mean, a bunch of good movies came out; there were some sweet games released for PS3 and Xbox 360. We got a little sidetracked. Hell, city workers would have gotten more done.

So instead, we’re just going to reflect on Mismatured from its beginning. And when we get to 2008, well, we’ll just start making stuff up.
The difference between us and The Onion is that The Onion is loaded with fake crap, whereas we take real news and crap on it.
Thoughts From Mismatured Minds was launched in December, 2006. Realizing that the name was a bit of a mouthful, it was quickly shortened to just Mismatured Minds. The concept was revolutionary: take current events, and inject humor.

“Oh you mean like the Daily Show or Weekend Update on SNL?” Obviously not. That’s totally different. Those are TV shows.

“What about that one newspaper, The Onion?” OK, shut up. And stop promoting our competition. So taking the news and throwing in some humor has been done before -- numerous times and by people far more talented and devoted. (But for the record, the difference between us and The Onion is that The Onion is loaded with fake crap, whereas we take real news and crap on it.)

I digress. Since that fledgling beginning, we were there for the big stories, like when Taco Bell got people sick (still kinda true). We were there when Heroes captivated millions and we warned that the show moves slower than molasses running down a brass monkey in January (still very true). We were there when nobody knew who would win: Blu-Ray or HD-DVD – again you are welcome for that correct Blu-Ray prediction.

We were also there for the little stories: The two college students falling off a cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico (they were naked). Dumbledore coming out of the closet (thankfully, not naked). Or P Diddy giving up Cristal for Ciroc Vodka. It’s hard to believe that some of that was just one short year ago.

Which brings us to 2008, a year in which we produced a record number of stories. It should also be noted that thus far in ’08, we have not had a single misprint, typo or piece of misinformation. Our goal is “2008: Flahless Victory.”

Also new in 2008, we have further shortened the name. Mismatured Minds, we decided, was still too much. So now we’re just Mismatured (there’s not much “Mind” to us, anyway). Next year we’ll probably shorten it to just ‘Tured. We’re also going to a shorter story format. Stories will be more concise and more frequent – for you that means more concentrated humor more often. You’re welcome.

And that’s about it. So if the concept isn’t new, why are we so freakin’ awesome? We have no idea. We just are.

Photo credit: Mismatured [http://mismatured.blogspot.com]

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