Aqua Dots Not So Hot By Mike Coughlin

China has done it again. In less than a year, the country has exported two sets of children's toys that turn out to be dangerous if swallowed. First it was lead. And now, the most recent occurrence can cause seizures or even comas if swallowed.

The cause, in case you haven't heard, is GHB (for those of you who have yet to watch a crime drama in the last 10 years, that's a date rape drug).

With all that GHB all over the place, it’s like having a roomful of incredibly drunk, nearly passed out girls and sending in Rob Lowe.The contaminated toy is called Aqua Dots; make sure little Johnny isn't daring little Jill to swallow some of them. (In a related story, Michael Jackson has announced plans to move to Beijing.)

"Made in China" used to be synonymous with "This is crap." Now it's a little closer to "Biohazard." The words "Made in America" never made me so proud.

I'm sure all sorts of execs will be asking their secretaries out for Chinese at lunch. “Hey, Charlene, what do you say we grab some Szechuan?”

“Sounds good, boss, I’m naïve and optimistic and have been looking for the perfect chance to brown nose.”

And then, the gentleman that this nice executive is, orders for the both of them.

“Yes, I’d like two egg rolls, please, and she’ll be having the Kung Pao’s chicken with GHB, hold the MSG.”

And then the lunch hour turns into the afternoon off. And then maternity leave. And then child support (people often forget that GHB actually has two victims – the victimized woman, and the guy who accidentally knocked her up).

No wonder China has 47 billion people. With all that GHB all over the place, it’s like having a roomful of incredibly drunk, nearly passed out girls and sending in Rob Lowe.

And if they aren’t stoned from GHB, it’s opium. They’re basically a country full of stoners – which explains why they aren’t competitive in very many sports. Yao Ming is a fluke.

All those drugs also explain their stellar driving reputation.

Is anyone else scared of the fact that economists predict that by 2020 China will be vying with the US for global economic supremacy?

Photo credit: Aqua Dots [http://www.charlescountycafe.com/?p=1984]