Shark Attack Increase Predicted, Explained By Mike Coughlin

The US is on the board for shark attacks in 2007. Saturday, a young boy was bitten and Sunday two swimmers were bitten within an hour of each other off the east coast of Florida. None of the attacks were life threatening.

Three attacks in one weekend. Last year the total number of attacks was 23 -- we're on pace to shatter that record and I think I know why.
We're raising our own little fattened calves and then paying big bucks to fly them down to the slaughterhouse.
Sharks normally feed on seals and whales because they have blubber, an excellent source of energy for a shark. Scientists theorize that a shark attacks a human because our shape (especially when on a surfboard) resembles a sea lion, but it releases after the initial bite because it doesn't taste enough fat.

For now. We Americans are playing a dangerous game letting ourselves get so obese. Heart attacks? No. Shark attacks are the real threat.

No wonder the shark attack capital of the world is in the US -- we're getting so darn fat that we're looking more and more like seals, walruses, whales, etc. If we get fat enough the sharks might even take a liking to us and hang around for a second or third bite.

The fears children have of Jaws swimming up and chomping them to bits may one day be realized as long as we keep feeding them Whoppers and Ding Dongs and let them spend the summer inside, playing XBox. We're raising our own little fattened calves and then paying big bucks to fly them down to the slaughterhouse -- er, I mean Florida.

One day SCUBA diving won't be a recreational activity but an extreme sport. You live; you win.

It has its advantages. For one thing, there are already too many of us. We've got more than 6 billion people in the world. Finally there's a way to take a good chunk out of that number and get the population back down to something more manageable.

Furthermore, the increased source of nourishment should help the numbers of endangered Great Whites out there.

Wealthy, fur loving women will also take solace in the fact that the sharks won't be hunting seals as much. Once those seal numbers start increasing and get off the endangered species list, the baby seal fur coat she always wanted is just around the corner.

And here we thought we've been hurting the environment with our lavish American lifestyle -- but it is this very lifestyle that is going to help it.

So let's eat, eat, eat, drink and be merry. We'll save this planet one way or another.

Photo credit: Shark, by Charles Maxwell, South Africa [http://tafkac.org/ulz/shark.jpg]