Sleeping Pill Keeps People Active By Mike Coughlin

I've written about sleep before ("If napping is good for me, high school was great," Feb. 2007), but it's in the news again. And this time it's more fantastic than I could have imagined -- or, as it were, dreamed.

According to several news sources, including the New York Times, some folks who took zolpidem, a particular type of sleeping pill, had a side-effect that was more interesting than sleepwalking. Some shopped on the Internet. Some drove their cars. Some baked. The list goes on but they don't remember doing any of it.
There are all kinds of chores I'd love to do in my sleep -- laundry, the dishes, talking to my mom, you name it.
Does anyone else see the beauty in this? People are being more productive in their sleep than some people are while awake! Imagine waking up to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls and the only one you have to thank is yourself. How about if UPS knocked on your door and -- surprise! -- it's exactly what you wanted! What if you arrived at work, clocked in, sat at your desk and then woke up, ready to go. Heck, what if you went to work, clocked in, clocked out at the end of the day, and then woke up. Perfect! Where can I get this stuff?

Some people even reported having sex in their sleep! (Watch as wives around the world will suddenly clamor for the drug.) It sure gives that old rejection line, "in your dreams," a new meaning.

There are all kinds of chores I'd love to do in my sleep -- laundry, the dishes, talking to my mom, you name it. Now I can finally get them done -- asleep and with no recollection of ever doing the monotonous task.

Note, however, that many of the people who baked left the burners on and many of the people who drove couldn't keep their cars on the road. But those are minor details. Who's to say that they wouldn't have done that while awake? I'm ready to take my chances.

People who sleep in will also benefit from it. They can now get up early and attack the day with all the benefits of sleeping in. Talk about having your cake and eating it, too.

How about when you have a day planned at the annoying in-laws. Just stay up the night before to make sure you're extra tired, then take your zolpidem and go on autopilot for the entire visit. Not only will you not have to remember any of it, but you'll still get credit for going, too!

Why is everyone focusing on mandatory HPV vaccinations. I say we have mandatory zolpidem prescriptions. Sleep on it and get back to me. As for me, I'm done writing, I have to go wake up now.

Photo credit: Sleepwalker [http://www.101funpages.com/html/imgs/page_imgs/dsd0502/sleepwalking.gif]