Dumb Diamond Thief Apprehended By Mike Coughlin

You've heard of Ocean's 11, Ocean's 12 and maybe you've even heard of the upcoming Ocean's 13. But did you hear about Wimberly's 2?

Here's the plot: Two guys go into a California jewelry store. One guy distracts the salesman while the other one gets on his hands and knees and crawls behind the counter with a master key to unlock the case. He then fills his pockets with half a million dollars worth of goods and walks out of the store.
Like a spineless worm he crawled behind the case and then, like a hyena, snatched everything he could.
No, it's not a B-movie. It really happened. September 15, 2006, Reggie Wimberly pulled it off -- almost. Maybe if he had recruited another nine friends he could have gotten away with it. Instead, police arrested him Thursday morning in Cleveland, Ohio.

Who would have thought the security cameras were rolling?

I know thieves usually aren't the sharpest glass cutters in the -- whatever glass cutters go in. But what was this guy thinking? Distract the salesman and crawl behind the counter?

There were $500,000 at stake. If you weren't going to get away with it, at least you could have done it with some style! I can think of a few things off the top of my head -- loop the security footage, make the floor collapse below the display case or replace the stolen goods with cheap decoys. (So I've seen a heist film or two in my day.)

But no, this guy thought that a jewelry store with millions of dollars worth of goods would be armed simply with a salesman and a small lock on the glass display case.

I wonder what the planning phase for this job was like. It probably occurred five minutes beforehand in the food court of the mall.

I'm glad he got caught. Not because what he did was wrong (it was, but that's not why I'm glad), but because he did such a bad job of it. Like a spineless worm he crawled behind the case and then, like a hyena, snatched everything he could. His only saving grace is that he didn't use a gun.

But for God's sake, Reggie, you're a diamond thief. Act like it. Repel down from the ceiling. Taser the salesman. Do something! The amount of creativity you put into that stunt was on par with faking neck pain after getting in a car accident.

Wimberly should have stuck with car stereos; he just wasn't ready for the big leagues.

Kudos for giving it a shot though, Reggie; many people never strive to reach the next level, but not you. Unfortunately, you just reached a little too high. You jumped in the deep end where the big kids swim and you didn't have any orange water wings -- what a shame, they would have matched your new jumpsuit.

Photo credit: Reggie Wimberly, from Cleveland Plain Dealer [http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2007/03/authorities_nab_fugitive_suspe.html]