Ugg-ly Boots By Jared Beck

Now, I know I'm not one of the world's preeminent stylists, and that my sense of women's fashion is inherently hampered by my being a man, but one of the latest trends in women's footwear is simultaneously astonishing and annoying: Ugg boots. These sheepskin shoes introduced to America by our friends from "Down Under" have swept the country; women everywhere are sporting these boots, so willing to show them off that they tuck theirs pants into the tops of them like little kids tuck snow-pants into moon-boots.

The trend absolutely baffles me. My knowledge of women's fashion is that, for the most part, ladies like to wear things that look "cute" or "sexy." Ugg boots are neither of the above. My immediate reaction whenever I see a girl in Ugg boots is to ask myself what Nordic clan she belongs to and what village she's planning to pillage and plunder next. Ugg boots look like they belong on Vikings from less than stellar epic/action movies, and I can't understand why this is so appealing to women. These boots are suited for people ready to enter Valhalla, not women's attempt at looking cute. They're thick, they cover half of your calf, and make you look like you should be carrying a two-handed broadsword.

The boots are plain. They're gray, black, or some off-shade of brown. Sometimes girls roll down the tops of the boots to reveal the lining of sheepskin on the inside, bearing a strong resemblance to the boots characters from "Dungeons and Dragons," "Magic: The Gathering," or classic RPG games (like "Elder Scrolls") wear. This medieval quality cannot possibly be construed in any context as being "cute" or "sexy." For heaven's sake, they're thick, they cover half of your calf (some stretch all the way to the knee), and make you look like you should be carrying a two-handed broadsword and that you have a coat of chain mail on underneath your Northface fleece.

Whenever I approach women with these concerns over Ugg boots, the only response I receive is that "these boots are just comfortable." "Comfortable?" Since when has women's fashion ever been about "comfort?" I thought women's fashion was defined by jeans hugging your hips so tightly that you can't breathe, or worn so low that you look like a plumber whenever you bend over, or 8-inch stilettos that require divine balance and insusceptibility to pain. Comfort? If the draw of these boots is their comfort, and their ability to keep your feet warm, then this must be the first time in the history of women's fashion that appearance has been trumped by comfort.

Maybe I shouldn't be so cynical about it, but maybe I shouldn't see Leif Eriksson every time I look at a girl wearing Ugg boots either.

Photo credit: Ugg boots [http://www.souvenirsaustralia.com/images/0032936001.jpg]