If Napping Is Good For Me, High School Was Great By Mike Coughlin

It's my dream come true -- naps are healthy. According to a recently published study based out of the Athens Medical School in Greece, they decrease the risk of heart disease by about one-third when taken regularly. News like this is so beautiful and rare that it's almost unbelievable -- somebody pinch me.

I think I have to ask my high school to rewrite my transcript. All those detentions for falling asleep in health class must be stricken from the record -- clearly I was doing research. Then again, detention was the perfect place to continue that research so perhaps I shouldn't be so bitter.

OK, I lied. I can't remember ever getting a detention for falling asleep. Not because I didn't fall asleep, but because my teachers were much more creative than that. I once woke up after my teacher dumped a container of tea spices all over me -- sounds far-fetched but it's the honest to God truth. I looked like I hadn't washed my shirt in weeks and reeked of Earl Grey for the rest of the day.

No, I didn't stop napping; I learned to do it stealthily.I had another teacher who, if someone had fallen asleep, would ask all the other students to leave as quietly as they could at the end of the period. 20 minutes later, this poor guy, who had probably been up all night writing a paper, would wake up in a sleepy daze, overcome with confusion (to the delight of everyone else in the room). It was the same teacher, same classroom, he would think, but something wasn't right. Suddenly it would hit him -- he definitely had class with most of these people, but not this class! While the other students snickered he'd quickly gather his things and rush out of the room embarrassed and late for his next class. Just as effective and much more entertaining than a simple old detention.

After being the victim of these deterrents I wised up. No, I didn't stop napping; I learned to do it stealthily. I mastered the sleeping-sitting-up maneuver. You know, propping your head up with your hands and looking down as if you're reading so that the teacher can't see your eyes. It was nearly fool proof. Then a buddy of mine copied the tactic and, like a rookie, exposed the whole operation.

We were better off just daydreaming, I guess. Except for one class where we were actually encouraged to "sleep." It was a religion class designed to help us get in touch with our spiritual side. Our teacher would actually give us pillows to lie on the ground and meditate to relaxing music. Was this kindergarten? Can I have a milk carton, too? I don't think I ever learned the first thing about meditating but somehow I always felt refreshed after a good round of it (I usually drooled a bit, too).

But I'm beyond all that now. Naps are for children. Or at least they were. Now that this study has come out I think I'll have to see my doctor. I mean, my family has had a history of heart problems. I should be on the safe side and get a prescription for at least 30 minutes a day. I'll call it my high school review.

Photo credit: http://www.sayleadershipcoaching.com/talkingstory/2006/09/the_joy_of_disc.html