A Cure for Can..ine Obesity
After plastic surgery, diet pills and morticians ensured that we would stay beautiful long after the daisies we pushed up would die, we have finally hit the next level in vanity. We now have Slentrol, a diet pill for our dogs that was recently approved by the FDA.
It's about time. What's the point of us humans staying artificially skinny if we have to go exercise with our dog anyway? Now our plus-sized pups can plop down next to us on the couch and lick up the leftover ice cream melted in the bottom of the bowl, and still wake up the next morning weighing less than the day before.
Never again will a bitch spend the night howling about her big thighs.
While we're at it, why not develop the low-carb Akita diet or south Beagle diet?
Thank our lucky lucky stars (Canis Major and Canis Minor) that our scientists have their priorities straight. What an awful world it would be to live in if we had to actually walk our dogs. Besides, your pup will probably thank you -- how would you feel with a leash tugging at your neck? I'm surprised PETA hasn't already stepped in to refute the use of the leash.
Training is sure to become easier; we won't have to worry about house breaking dogs if they hardly ever need to go to the bathroom. And without all those carbohydrates for energy, they'll become just as sloth-like as their owners.
Dog shows will no longer judge based on things like how beautiful the dog's coat is but rather how many ribs can be seen through it. Forget the little prance in a circle; as long as they have their ribs showing let's send them down the catwalk -- err, dogwalk.
Seems to me it would be more practical to make a version of Slentrol for an animal that is rather lazy to begin with. No, I'm not talking about humans. I'm talking about cows. Plus there's a bonus -- fat free filet mignon for everyone.
[Photo credit: http://www2.bc.edu/~sallet/skinny_dog.jpg - A very skinny dog]
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