The Food Network, A Model For the Perfect Wife
I've found myself watching more and more of the "Food Network" lately. No, this is not a column about how wonderful a wife Giada De Laurentiis, host of "Everyday Italian," would be. Yes, she would be great but I'm sure that's been done before. And although it involves Rachael Ray, it's not about her either.
Instead, it is about how wonderful the wife would be that, not only could cook, but could truly master the 30-Minute Meal. The perfect wife. I've actually tried to do one of these meals in a half-hour and it truly takes skills, ones that I do not have.
Imagine leaving work and calling her with whatever request you have for dinner. You finish your 15-minute drive home, spend another five changing out of your work clothes and relax for 10-minutes before sitting down to the delicious home-cooked meal of your choosing. The hard day's work is made bearable with that light at the end of the tunnel.
How about on a Sunday morning, you can roll over and merely whisper or groan what you want. After snoozing for another 10-minutes, you have time to go to the bathroom and read the paper before your silver platter of steaming chicken sausage, gingerbread waffles with homemade syrup and hot cocoa are placed in front of you. The loss of the warm, soft bed can be overlooked with the prospect of that hot, tasty breakfast.
Why does that make her so perfect? Why not another great skill? First of all, imagine coming home everyday to a woman who cannot cook. That is just another thing to bear through or do yourself every single day of your life after getting home from work. Contrast that to a woman who is eager to please her husband with the meal of his choice and to be able to have it ready in half an hour.
Now, some men might think they would be able to trade off cooking for another skill for their wife to have but, trust me, if you could have one thing you just want her to be able to cook.
For example, let's say you want a wife predisposed towards nymphomania. Not only can the husband not brag about his wife's qualities or skills without sounding like a pervert, but she can't share her skills without causing a divorce. "Try my wife's rack of lamb," is fine while "try my wife's rack," is anything but. Furthermore, you don't want paranoia to set in on if your appetite is big enough to handle all the courses she's serving.
Perhaps you want her to be able to clean and to always have a spotless house. Unfortunately, men are naturally dirty animals and this will only lead to her nitpicking your clothes, hair and any other personal affects. Not to mention she'll probably hit you with a handkerchief-cheek-wipe every now and then. Sure it'd be nice to have a clean bedroom, bathroom and basement, but it'd also be nice not to live with your mother.
I believe I have made a fairly strong case on why my wife will have this one skill. And don't worry, I'll do the dishes.
[Photo credit: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4c/Giada_De_Laurentiis2_e.jpg/200px-Giada_De_Laurentiis2_e.jpg - Giada de Laurentiis]
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